On repeat

I relive my stolen moments with you
The stars are my blanket tonight
Just like the time you showed me a beach with new eyes
I straddled that sand with a new found desperation
A force bubbling under the surface for too long
As my head leans back, I gaze at my sparkling world
You’re cheeky smile and confident words replaying in my head
I blush remembering how bold you were the last time we met
I watched you in your element, proud of the man I saw.
I wanted you to be mine.
Humour akin, quick wit and grace
You flew over our shared wilderness
I panic at my deep affection for you
Can I never really have this?
I feel that you have too much invested elsewhere, and I am too much of an unknown
I am my better self with you
Stronger, confident and driven to be a higher self
To be true to my feelings and actions.
If I take this leap, it must be for me alone
Because you have not promised a thing but desperate affection.

I get frustrated by your lack of entertaining a potential future
That I could be more to you than just a woman who sees you, feels you deeper and truer than anyone before
A connection running deeper than all others
This scares you. I’m scared too.
For if we dismiss this love to poor timing I feel I would regret it forever.
You are impossibly, perfectly imperfect to me.
If I had boxes, you would tick them.
My words are unfiltered and raw, your touch addictive.
As my thoughts turn dark, now I realise, so has the sky.
I climb into my tent and let the rain try to drown out my hopelessness
How can a person change everything so much…so quickly.
Even though this happiness and love rock like a seesaw daily, I couldn’t be more content and secure in myself
Eyes are open for the first time, and something profound is happening.